


Issues

by tylerandburnham



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:13:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26537110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tylerandburnham/pseuds/tylerandburnham
Summary: A fanfic in response to the new season 3 trailer. Michael has mixed feelings after kissing Cleveland Booker. Michael has developed feelings for Booker but she can't help thinking about Ash Tyler... :)
Relationships: Michael Burnham/Ash Tyler | Voq, michael burnham/Cleveland Booker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Issues

Issues

“'Cause I got issues

But you got 'em too

So give 'em all to me

And I'll give mine to you

Bask in the glory

Of all our problems

'Cause we got the kind of love

It takes to solve 'em

Yeah, I got issues

And one of them is how bad I need you”

Issues- Julia Michaels

Michael caught herself smiling in the mirror. Still smiling she turned around in her cabin and opened her mouth to say something to Tilly. In that instant she realized she had forgotten that she no longer shared a cabin with her dear friend. With the Discovery crew drastically reduced when it leapt 930 years into the future there was no need for anyone to share quarters unless they wanted to. No need to double up. While Michael enjoyed the space and privacy she missed the ease of having Tilly’s friendship at the ready for quick chats.

But maybe it was better to have this time alone with her thoughts. She could readily imagine Tilly’s response to Booker kissing her. Tilly would want to know  _ everything _ and would probably say something like, “Well, my soldier thing is back now!” But talking to Tilly would remind Michael of talking to her about Ash. And then….

Michael felt herself pulled toward Booker. In so many ways it was so easy, so undeniable the feelings she felt for him. She had to move on from her past, a past she could not reclaim. It was illogical to exist in the past. There was no use dwelling on it. She had to find a way to save the universe in the here and now.

But there was that feeling, deep in her heart, that felt...guilty? Broken? Michael wasn’t sure but it bothered her. She tried to ignore the piece of her she felt was missing. The past was... complicated and...everyone she loved there was long dead. Even if it had been just a year ago she said goodbye to her family...Captain Pike...Ash…. The death of her biological parents at such a young age had taught her how unexpectedly tragic life could be. It taught her to move forward....always… 

Sometimes the tug she felt in her heart would not go away. Sometimes she felt the pull stronger than at other times. 

Michael walked over to her top dresser drawer. She hit the button on the side opening it. Reaching into the back and under her clothes she pulled out the hard case. She then went to sit on her sofa pulling her legs up underneath her. She looked up and out her cabin window at the stars as she hugged the case close to her chest. Finally she willed herself to open it. Looking down she pulled out the photos and laid them out on the table in front of her sofa. She could feel the tears pricking the corners of her eyes. There she saw pictures of her parents, Sarek and Amanda, and her brother, Spock, as she remembered them and then aging before her eyes. Amanda died first. Sarek survived her, married again, and had in the end succumbed to Bendii Syndrome. Bendii Syndrome! She felt the anger and injustice of it swell inside of her. To have done so much for her, Amanda, Vulcan, for the Federation and for his life to end with him, so proud, losing control of his emotions! And, Spock! Her dear brother! He too of her family made her so proud and happy that he seemed to have found friendship and a crew that was family to him. For all he had done he had vanished in the midst of trying to save Romulus from extinction. He was never heard from again. So many unanswered questions in the midst of her mourning to have lost these lights in her life. It felt like losing them all over again.

Tentatively Michael pulled out the final photo in the case. She put his photo down on the table but held onto the black tether that she always kept with the photo. Ash Tyler. Absently she ran her fingers over the loops and the knot. She had memorized the picture long ago. She could recall it even not having it in front of her and even though she hadn’t looked at it in quite awhile. It was just a standard Starfleet personnel photo. It was all she could find in the databases. Regrettably she didn’t have her own photo of Ash. He was as she remembered him. Soulful brown eyes, dark hair slightly longer than Starfleet norm, and full beard. The photo always gave her an odd feeling, as if he was looking at her. As if Tyler knew that she would be looking at this picture someday and could see her through space and time.

She discovered he had been promoted to Director of Section 31. Director! They picked the only person Michael would have trusted to run that unit. The only person she would have trusted to stop Control from resurfacing and to fight the future. And then, as typical of Section 31, his record was classified and unable to be retrieved. Michael pieced together that he had never gotten married. But had he been happy? Found love? Found a new chosen family? There was so much any record nearly 1,000 years ago could ever tell or reveal. 

What shook Michael was the nothingness. As far as Michael could tell Ash simply vanished about 5 years after Discovery left for the future. A new director of Section 31 took her place. What had happened to Ash??? There was no record she could find of his death. No record of any missions he was on when he disappeared. One minute he is there in the records and the next he is not. At least Spock’s vanishing had been documented. Ash’s was...nonexistent. If only she had been there to watch his back, to fight with him. She never would have let him disappear as if he had never existed.

Of course he was long gone by now, long dead no matter what had happened to him. Ash the torchbearer was gone. His beautiful light was lost to the ages. If only he could have come with her. This future needed saving but he would be here where there peace with the Klingon Empire. She loved him, despite all their complications. It had made them stronger being forced in fire. She had understood his decision to stay. Ash had eventually come to understand her decision to go. Still it had shattered her heart saying goodbye to him when only moments before she thought he would be coming with her.

Ash would want her to be happy. Michael knew that. Being with Booker made her happier than she had been in such a long time. And yet…

Regrets were like being hit by a phaser burst-sharp, burning, painful. If only she hadn’t turned her back on Ash when she realized the truth came out about Voq. Maybe he would have stayed on Discovery. Maybe things would have been different. But maybe Starfleet, being as prejudiced and not understanding just as Michael had been, would have discharged him from service. Infinite possibilities but ones that might have led them exactly to where they were now. Michael was alive in the here and now and Ash was in the past. And he too was one that tried to live in the here and now.

Maybe Ash didn’t care enough about her to follow her? Don’t lie to yourself, Michael thought. She could recall Ash’s face on that day they said their last good-bye. His pain and love was written all over his face and in his eyes. It was written on his lips that kissed her so passionately. It was written in his arms that enveloped her. She had never wanted to let go…

The sharp beep of the intercom startled Michael out of her thoughts. Tilly’s voice came over the ship’s intercom. “Ummm….Michael….could you please come to Sickbay?”

Strange. But when the Discovery crew had finally had reached the few people that were still keeping the flame of the Federation hidden but going they had mentioned something they thought might help them fight The Burn. Something they had also kept hidden all these years. Something classified. Sickbay was an odd place but… 

Gently sighing, Michael got up and pushed her cherished memories away to focus on the here and now. There was no way she was going to let the sacrifice of leaving all her loved ones be in vain. She would make them proud and save the Federation and Starfleet and the universe they all loved, believed in, and worked so tirelessly to protect. 

“On my way,” Michael replied. She gently put her pictures and the tether Ash har given her back in their case and returned it to the spot in her top drawer. 

Leaving her quarters, Michael kept her thoughts focused on her breath and staying in the moment.

As Michael entered Sickbay she was stunned to see Saru, Tilly, Georgiou, and Stamets standing next to Dr. Culber around a life-sized tube on a biobed. They all turned to look at her upon her entrance. A silence filled up the space between them.

“What….?” trailed off Michael as she saw Georgiou roll her eyes and shake her head as if she couldn’t believe this was happening. What was happening?

Tilly was the first to react. She rushed over and took Michael’s arm as they slowly walked toward the tube on the biobed. Tilly's nervous, fast talking was at full speed. Michael could only catch a few words and phrases. “Must have…” “like Khan Noonien Singh….” “suspended animation…” “enhanced technology…” “over the years…”

Gorgeous muttered, “Damned fool….”

Michael finally reached the tube on the biobed as everyone parted to let her in close to get a good look. But still she couldn’t look. Her heart and breath froze. Trembling she said, “Is it...is it my brother?” The name Khan Noonien Singh was very familiar to her. He helped cause the death of Spock once before Kirk and his crew risked everything to bring her brother back to life. And her brother was missing in the past...

“No,” Tilly said softly.

Michael forced her eyes to look down at the head of the bio tube. She saw him and her breath started to come in great gasps. Michael placed her palm upon the cold glass and felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. He looked exactly as she remembered him. She could imagine he was just sleeping.

It was then she registered that Tilly hadn’t let her arm go. Dear Tilly. 

“Tilly?” Michael asked not taking her eyes off the bio tube. She didn’t even need to ask the question.

Quietly and full of compassion Tilly said, “We think he’s still alive.”

“Ash?” asked Michael willing him to still be alive.


End file.
